how much heart do we have to give? 

Been so tired of late. Think I'm just getting sian of sg. Can't wait to go on a hol to anywhere tt is not bintan or batam. Just wondering.. All the different sides of ourselves tt we show to different individuals.. why do we do that? I hv come to realize tt I am a seriously multi-faceted person (as I am sure everyone else is). I can be kind, super jovial, indifferent, chatty, passive, happy-go-lucky, emo, hidden, very open, serious, bimbotic, a bit lian at times (tho I hate them), crazy and totally normal. Everyone sees different sides of me but I'm not sure if anyone has yet to see all of me (no not literally). I think I need some form Of excitement in my life at the moment. Theres this song running in head now.. What can I say..

Let me know that I've done wrong
When I've known this all along
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you

Tell me all that you've thrown away
Find out games you don't wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret

Who has to know?
When we live such fragile lives
It's the best way we survive
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you

Tell me all that you've thrown away
Find out games you don't wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret

Who has to know?
The way she feels inside
(Inside)
Those thoughts I can't deny
(Deny)
These sleeping dogs won't lie
(Won't lie)
And now I try to lie
It's eating me apart
Trace this life back

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret)

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Dirty little secret
Dirty little secret

Who has to know?
Who has to know?

sportsmania!

okay great plans ahead! (alas plans may not alws result in action) but i are determined to do more sports! got to get back to my fit self man. what happened to the girl who used to get gold every napfa (forever 29pts cos of stupid shuttle run). things got to change! thinking of trying out a new sport. and perhaps playing badm twice a wk. AHAHHAA! WHO WILL JOIN ME?!!? :D 

i'm so addicted to all the things you do
all the sounds you make with every breath you take it's unlike anything
i'm so addicted to 
i'm so addicted to you. 

the new year has begun.. and i'm still not feeling it. somehow.. this time round time doesn't really seem to matter to me. i'm not sure why. prolly cos i can't seem to get a hold on it as of yet. still lost.. but hopeful! hoping to find a job i love (or like enough).. hoping to be fulfilled in life at least. taking each day one at a time, not much expectations as of yet.. prolly too early to make any. have yet to come up with my list of resolutions! but am inspired to do so. will get it done.. eventually. HAHA. i am super super gian to go on a hol (preferably to a cold country but seriously.. anywhere is gd enough) and i ABSOLUTELY CRAVE DIVING AND SNOWBOARDING! DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT! craves for the brave. i've come to accept certain things in life that i hv been delusioned and stubborn with before.. and i know now how things should be. have yet to do up my danny's list. will hv to rmb to do that soon. tho there's no way i cld forget him or anything about him. i still miss him a lot. everytime i think of him, my heart enters this blackhole that i stop myself from entering. cos i know.. once i enter.. there is no turning back. its been almost a year now.. but the wound is still fresh. the pain is immense and almost indescribable. it's so dark and deep i don't ever think i'll be able to claw my way back from it. alas, time may heal all wounds.. but can one really forget? or do we just move on?

conflicted conflicted conflicted. am i doing what i want? is this where i wanna go? am i just making mistake after mistake? can this really just keep happening to me over and over again? apparently it can. ahhh!! what a headache. i guess i will just go with the flow and see what happens. it's amazing how many thoughts one can keep in our heads. and its particularly interesting how random those thoughts can be. just like this entry i suppose. oh well. time to hit the books again :D

if this is how it's going to be. i will make it true. you will see. 

JR totally made my night man (:

12:06:14 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: and do post updates when u're overseas! =P

12:06:20 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: HAHAHAHAHAH

12:06:22 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: as in on fb

12:06:24 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: so i know u're still alive la kekekekeke

12:06:28 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: WAHAHHAHAHA

12:06:28 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: anywheree =P

12:06:31 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: why wld i be deaddddd

12:06:32 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: LOL

12:06:36 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: cursing me before i leave ah

12:06:36 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: ahhaha

12:06:38 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: no lah jus kidding =D

12:06:56 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: soooo have fun on ur trip! =D

12:06:58 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: when u leaving ar?

12:08:03 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: 15sept

12:08:05 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: long time more

12:08:09 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: but i might be slotting another trip in btw

12:08:10 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: haha

12:08:14 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: i will!

12:08:17 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: omg im worried for my chi

12:08:18 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: HAHAHAH

12:14:12 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: i seee =P 

12:14:15 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: dun worry!

12:14:37 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: they don't speak in riddles and poems like the china chinese pple hehehe

12:14:47 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: so communication part should be alright la :)

12:14:52 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: HAHHAHAHAHHAHHA

12:14:53 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: -.-

12:14:58 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: u sure china pple speak like tt

12:14:59 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: lol

12:15:08 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: i would think so~ haha

12:15:15 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: i hear 5 words, 7 words all the time from them

12:15:16 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: hehe

12:15:31 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: and all the cheng yu ._. *faints*

12:15:56 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: wahhhhhhhhhh

12:16:00 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: i think i shd just hang a sign ard myself

12:16:04 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: NO SPEAK GD CHI

12:16:04 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: =P

12:16:05 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: STAY AWAY

12:16:06 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: ahhaha

12:16:09 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: hahahaah

12:16:10 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: or BE WARNED

12:16:11 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: lol

12:16:16 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: heyy dudeeee ur chinese is better than me!

12:16:17 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: remember!

12:16:18 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: =D

12:16:21 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: ahhahahhaa

12:16:22 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: oh ya ah

12:16:23 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: LOL

12:16:25 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: u forgot about the ktv sessions sia

12:16:26 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: hahaha

12:16:35 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: u can one lahhh

12:17:36 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: =D okie i'd better head to bed now to prepare for the battle tmr haha

12:17:39 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: take care ya u~

12:17:55 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: better drink more ginseng tea cuz of the jetlag and all ;)

12:18:01 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: wat abt it

12:18:05 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: HAHAHHA

12:18:15 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: singing chi songs vs speaking to chinese pple = different ah

12:18:16 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: HAHAHHA

12:18:24 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: HAHHA ginseng tea?

12:18:26 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: really?

12:18:28 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: awww you're sweet

12:18:31 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: yeah =D

12:18:32 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: thks

12:18:38 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: =) and last comment before i go is.....

12:18:42 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: welll u can sing chi songs to them!

12:18:49 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: ok thats so funny im gonna dieee

12:18:50 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: *giggles*

12:18:59 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: *goes*

12:19:18 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: AHAHHAHA!

12:19:18 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: OMG

12:19:21 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: so everytime they say sth

12:19:25 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: i sing a song to them

12:19:28 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: or a chorus in response

12:19:29 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: WHAHAHAHHAHA

12:19:32 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: WE SHD TOTALLY TRY THAT

12:19:33 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: OMG

12:19:36 AM jessica_ong99@hotmail.com: TTS DAMN FUNNY SERIOUSLY

12:19:41 AM garjrt@yahoo.com.sg: lol

HAHA. FREAKING FREAKING HILARIOUS LAAAA!!! JR YOU ARE A FUNNY MAN. I SAY THIS IN ALL SERIOUSNESS (no paradox intended). and with his last comment.. he hit the sack and i wound up un-moody (i was slightly emo over this thing that just happened before) with a big smile on my face! :D thks JR again for making my night! hahaha :D XD :D